Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Mom said you looked used
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize