party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
