My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
