help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
