he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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