thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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