I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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