I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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