Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize