sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
