it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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