What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
