we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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