it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize