he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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