look no pants
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
did i just pee glitter
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
