i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
