White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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