my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
