i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
