Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My dick has a subreddit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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