She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
