I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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