I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
well you can't waste a boner
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
