the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
