Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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