I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
