You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
