I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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