I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
