She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
