somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
