Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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