cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
