i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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