yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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