Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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