If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize