Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
