Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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