She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
