Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
we're so committed to being not committed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize