I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
