Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
