Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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