its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
