Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
