well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
FUCK WHALES
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
