North Korea, Best Korea!
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You made out with two different species that night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
