the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
