uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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