my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
