She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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