So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
