I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
