If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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