i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
