Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
