it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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