does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
