So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
