when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
