I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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