and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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