Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We got so high we made milksteak
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
