woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
