I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
