you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
