Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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