so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think my moral compass just broke
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
