my sisters under your porch take her home
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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