i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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