omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I deserve this hangover.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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