Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
