I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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