dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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