im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
