You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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