i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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