So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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