Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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