You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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