Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
