Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
