She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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