You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize