I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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