My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
