At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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