New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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