Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
