I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
