I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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