Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize