As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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