Banned from zoo.
Again?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
