just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
