Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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