Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
