you traded sex for a burrito?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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