Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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