I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
