Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize