he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
