HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My dick has a subreddit
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
