You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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