I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
bring money and cleavage
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
