Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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