The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
