I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
