it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
