I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
