It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize