How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
