thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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