Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
