The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
