How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
