You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
