His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Houston, we have a blender
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize