So drunk its hurt
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
A bitchslap is in order.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
