I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
