That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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