well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize