Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
