what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
